Loxura Visit - August 1, 2013

On August 1st, 2013 Paradox entered the chat having been brought into the Dark Place for over a day. Loxura reveals that, though his memory is shaky, to him it seems to have been a much longer period of time. He recalls being attacked, in pain, and eventually rescued by Thyodamas' Light, who's fate currently remains unknown.

Butterfly names will be substituted for usernames; and logs have been edited for the sake of clarity. Personal information has been redacted.

August 1, 2013

Loxura enters the chat
Loxura: How…how long was I gone?
Mari: Inachis was on the phone to you on-and-off for about two hours.
Thyodamas: I'm guessing it wasn't a day for you.
Loxura: Not even…not even a day?
Inachis: Yeah. I was calling you for a couple of hours.
Hypsina: Loxura you sound like you're trembling, are you cold?
Laparus: How long was it?
Loxura: What's been happening recently, tell me what's been happening?
Glaucopsyche: We've been trying to get you back to us, Thyodamas' Light said she'd help.
Loxura: No I mean in general, with everything.
Allyni: Thyodamas' Light came into chat last night.
Laparus: Loxura, what was the last big thing that happened for you?
Loxura: You're seriously telling me it's ot even been a day?
Allyni: If you say it wasn't, then it wasn't. We're just glad you're back.
Loxura: I don't know, I don't know.
Croesus: Loxura, try to calm yourself.
Mari: How long did it feel like to you?
Loxura: If felt like I was just there.
Hypsina: What about when you were taken, do you remember what happened when you were taken?
Croesus: BREATHE
Dido: You remember Allyni having dreams Loxura?
Plexippus: Days? Weeks? Months? (take your time, please, and breathe).
Croesus: well now you're here, SO BREATHE. Sloooowly.
Loxura: It has to have been months. It was months. I don't know. Possibly more than that. I just felt like, it feels like I've been there for so long. I was so sure I was never coming back.
Hypsina: But you're back now. That's the important thing.
Croesus: CALM. You're here now. You're safe.
Loxura: You're telling me it's not even been a day?
Laparus: I have an idea how you feel, trust me.
Plexippus: We're right here, whatever you need, anything we can do.
Loxura: I still don't feel lie I should be out. I'm not entirely sure how I'm out and I'm sure it'll happen again!
Mari: It started about 11pm our time, so that long.
Croesus: BREATHE. You're not going to do yourself any favors. Calm.
Loxura: I though. I was supposed to be safe. Oh god, I was so cold. (indecipherable laughing) -how dark it is.
Croesus: You're back with us. Take some time to compose yourself. Take some time to recover.
Laparus: Just for a second, just concentrate on your breathing.
Loxura breathes slowly
Croesus: Do you feel better?
Loxura: No. Everything hurts. Everything hurts. It was so dark. It's just…dark. So dark.
Croesus: Do you remember how you got out?
Loxura: All I remember is pain, pain and fucking music. Quite frankly, it's weird not hearing it.
Laparus: Did it ever stop?
Loxura: I think it stopped when…Thyodamas' Light, that's when it stopped.
Thyodamas: aw yeah, dat's my girl.
Allyni: Take your time.
Loxura: I was…I was in so many places, all of them dark. Just, trees, and then, my parents house, and at one point I was…surrounded. I'm trying to remember, everything's a blur. It was a long time ago, it was a very long time ago. In the middle of time I was gone, it was just…blue mist, blue smoke everywhere. And the music stopped. It almost felt like I was…fuck. There was this kid there. Fucking pale kid, really dark hair. They were yelling at me. Holy shit, it was Thyodamas' voice yelling at me, tell me to get the fuck up. The kid was just shaking me, and I …oh that's what that is. The kid fucking slapped me. Told me to get the fuck up, but I couldn't do anything. Shit, then it was coming up the fucking trees, fucking huge things. The last thing, that wa it that was it, that was fucking it. It was coming through over the fucking trees that thing is massive, you have no idea how big it is. It looked like a fucking spider…and then everything was just fucking pain again and the music was back. And I was only gone for…
Croesus: Loxura, you okay?
Loxura: No. I'm not okay. What part of me do you think is okay? You know where I've been, for the past fuck knows how long?
Allyni: It's alright not to be ok. Just please stay with us.
Loxura: It never stopped. Just kept going, and going, and going and going. I can remember, I still see them. Just, places I've been before in my life that were just wrong. Like my parents house, this park that I used to play in when I was little. One of the houses we used to live. Just, so much dark, so much cold. That thing, that fucking thing. (indecipherable)
Allyni: That's natural.
Croesus: You need to take some time.
Loxura: I remember something. I remember it from the past, one of the places I ended up, was, I dunno, it was a room, it was pitch black aside from this one square of blue light, like a fucking television screen or something.
Croesus: What was on it, just blue light?
Loxura: It was just blue. I only saw it for a second. Or maybe longer than that, I was a little preoccupied.
Laparus: For a moment it sounded like it was happening again.
Loxura: I see flashes occasionally, stuff that I saw is flashing back. You know what's really fucked up? I am not used to the light in here.
Croesus: You were gone in there for a long time, man. I'm not surprised.
Loxura: Do you have any idea what sunlight looks like? As if you haven't seen it in years?
Plexippus: Where is Heliconioides?
Loxura: Heliconioides is around, she hasn't really left my side since…Apparently I wasn't really with it until a few hours ago.
Croesus: You need some time to take it all in, Loxura.
Loxura: Take it all in? Really?
Croesus: I'm not saying it's gonna be easy but you need some time to process what's happened to you. I'm not sorry, I can't imagine what you've been through.
Loxura: That thing…that thing is huge. It's just wrong. I can't even fucking describe. The biggest descriptive factor, it that it has these fucking sharp legs. That's for fucking sure.
Croesus: Breathe Loxura…
Loxura: I know all about breathing, you know why? Because I couldn't stop breathing. I couldn't stop any of it.
Croesus: As hard as it is to believe right now, we're here for you. We're all here for you.
Loxura: It's gonna happen again. It's gonna happen again. You can't fucking stop it! The fucker weaver couldn't stop it!
Allyni: We're going to figure out here to keep it from happening.
Laparus: This thing is going to keep coming back, it's going to keep doing that it's doing. We can't stop it right now but…
Loxura: It keeps coming. It keeps coming. It keeps coming.
Croesus: LOXURA. Listen to me. Calm.
Loxura: You try spending as long as I did in the fucking dark place and ten tell me to be calm!
Allyni: Just know we're going to be here. We'll figure this out.
Loxura: HOW do you suppose that I do that? Because it doesn't matter what I do! It doesn't matter, either way I'm still going to end up back there!
Urbanus: No you're not! LOXURA HONEY BREATH. DEEP. EVEN.
Allyni: We're going to try and keep that from happening Loxura.
Laparus: If it gets you there, we will get you out.
Loxura: I don't even know how I got out the first time!
Laparus: Remember, that was a first time. We can get you out again if there's a second time!
Loxura: Oh god, I remember something else. It fucking destroyed that place. At one point I was just laying, (indecipherable) doing it's thing, I fucking remember because I was laying (indecipherable) just death, dead butterflies all on the fucking floor. It was a fucking huge tree, it was fucking huge. It looked like it was in agony, it was dead, it was long dead the tree was just fucking gone (indecipherable) it was destroyed.
Urbanus: …Roivas's house.
Laparus: The destruction (indecipherable) but in the end it was just a house.
Loxura: I don't know why it was changing position, I was in one place one second and then in another. It's so dark. It's so dark. So cold. What happened during the time I was away?
Thyodamas: My Light showed up and said she was gonna get you out.
Urbanus: We gave her light to help her find you and we burned SFL effigies to distract it.
Loxura: What? It's been a long time. I don't quite understand.
Mari: You asked Inachis to call Thyodamas' Light. You asked us to call her. You screamed at him "Call Thyodamas' Light".
Urbanus: Inachis called your cell.
Loxura: I…what? How did I do that? I don't remember, that doesn't make any sense! All I was doing was fucking screaming! That's all I was doing!
Mari: He was on-and-off the phone to you for two hours. You kept screaming and humming.
Urbanus: Loxura, even deep breaths.
Loxura: The fuck was I humming? I don't remember any of this!
Laparus: You were humming that thing's music.
Loxura: (indecipherable) off, my laptop is fucking…my laptop is fucking breaking, on top of everything else. Heliconioides gives the best hugs. She has responded by just hanging around my neck, now…wait…wait I saw, I'm not sure, but I remember, I remember talking to Inachis, I don't know when I don't know how, I don't remember what I said, but I…I can recall him. I didn't have time to pick up a fucking phone, I don't remember how!
Laparus: All this shows is that you're stronger than you know.
Loxura: I didn't even have my phone, it was on my bedside table…it's still on the bedside table, I haven't touched that thing in months, in years…It's hard to fucking, keep seeing trees, I keep seeing…
Allyni: Loxura, can you check your phone to see if it did call Inachis?
Loxura: Heliconioides says she'll go get it.
Mari: You said you do remember talking to Inachis, do you just remember his voice then?
Loxura: Okay, have the phone. That doesn't make any sense, no, how- It says I called him. There's no way I could have done that, I was there! And just a word to the wise; my keyboard is fucked! My mouse pad is too. So if you see me typing with numbers, it's for a reason. Which is fucking joyous on top of everything else. Oh, crap! I'd forgotten! There was another moment, where there wasn't any music, where the pain stopped…But I can't remember, all I remember was a pair of really fucking bright, fiery blue eyes. But they weren't, they didn't feel bad, they didn't…and then, I was straight back in (indecipherable).
Mari: Like Caught's in Rule 6?
Thyodamas: Bright and fire
Urbanus: Maybe Thyodamas' light
Thyodamas: Remind u of someone?
Loxura: I don't know, I don't know.
Urbanus: Honey it's okay that you don't know. No one's gonna jump your shit.
Loxura: No, no, no, no! It's not real, it's not real. No, no it's fine.
Urbanus: What did you see?
Loxura: It. For a second, I was just back there, in the fucking playground, I used to play in when I was a little kid. There was this climbing thing, like a dome, made of bars, so as you can imagine, that's where the fucker stood up. Oh, god. I saw something else in there! Oh, god. There was this thing…
Urbanus: Loxura, where's Heliconioides?
Loxura: She's here. There was this thing, this fucking thing. I don't know why the music stopped, but it stopped, No, no it wasn't a face, it was a fucking skull, that's what it was! Fire in its eyes, the fire was just blue, and it screamed at me. The scream was so fucking loud. Then the music started again. No, it's not here, it's not here, not here. There's not music. Why am I out? How? How am I here? I don't even remember how I'm here, I just…
Allyni: We think Thyodamas' Light got you out. She said she was going to try.
Loxura: How? How, how do you get me out of that place?
Thyodamas: With dark magic I guess. The same way Roivas is gonna get Natalie out one day.
Allyni: I don't know how dark place physics work.
Loxura: Wait, no no no that's not right. Thyodamas Light…no, why am I thinking, Thyodamas' Light's just smoke, right? She's just smoke, she doesn't…
Laparus: She said that if Roivas could do she could do it too.
Thyodamas: Well, she was getting a form as she left. Said she had hands.
Laparus: Giving her light seems to have given her a form.
Loxura: I must have seen her a second time, then. I saw her, she was just, she was her, like blue flames, just…she had…she was transparent, I could see right fucking through her, oh fuck-that's right. I remember now. I remember. One second everything was just screaming and it was pain then the next second it was gone. And she told me to get up again, and she dragged me up, she had freaking hair, I wasn't-and then she told me, we have to go we have to go we have to go, and then just, blurs, just moving through the trees, faster than we were supposed to go, I don't think I was touching the floor, we were moving fast…
Urbanus: Woo what we did worked.
Loxura: And then what happened, I don't remember, what happened next…
Urbanus: It's okay.
Allyni: Take your time.
Loxura: No, it's not okay that I don't remember!
Urbanus: Yes it is, Loxura, It'll come back in time.
Allyni: It might take a while for it to come to you.
Loxura: She…we were running, we were running and…we were going very fast…Home…home, no no no no. It caught up, I don't know how but it caught it up was there. It was right there. Just suddenly the ground was fucking shaking, like a massive fucking earthquake, everything was just fucking mental for a second, then out of the fucking ground - what was that? - out of the fucking ground there was just these, walls? Glowing, white-blue square walls that went around, with a criss-crossing web-like shape through the middle of it…and it couldn't kill us, it couldn't get through.
Chat: Like starling's shield!
Loxura: We only had about a second to realize what it was, the thing started breaking through, t just started breaking the fucking wall…and then she hugged, me, and she said…oh god…no no no no no…have you heard from her since? Tell me you've heard from her since, tell me that! She hugged me, and she said "Go home" and I started to say "What about", she said "Go home", and I was suddenly..I was back in my room, I was on the floor, and I was so cold…She said go home, and I said what about you, I tried to finish my sentence, I finished it in my room, she must have known because I heard "I can't…" I was in too much pain to go anywhere. I heard this ringing, it hadn't stopped, I heard her say "I am home." That thing was breaking through the walls, it was coming through. What if it…No…
Urbanus: Loxura, she could be okay. We don't know yet.
Allyni: If she can move that fast now, she may be fine.
Urbanus: That thing doyht did.
Thyodamas: Well nothing has bounced back to me yet.
Urbanus: He's an ass, but he said he was trying to help her.
Laparus: Oh, holy CRAP.
Mari: What?
Laparus: Mirrors, just indirectly saved Loxura's live. I think it just wanted her to be okay, but you know.
Loxura: When I was with her, I felt safe. Whatever form she has, it looks like fire, like blue fire. Like white-hot blue…it was…All of these things, I don't know exactly when they happened but they were all at one point or another…it was so long…I keep seeing things. I think…they're not there, they're not there they're not there. Heliconioides says it's okay, I'm not there, it's not real.
Thyodamas: Perhaps we should keep a conversation going so that there's something else to focus on.
Urbanus: Do you want to that Loxura, do you want to talk about something else?
Loxura: I don't know, I don't know. It's seriously only been a day? Holy shit, it's not, how have I not fucking slept, I just realized…
Chat: We love you and are here for you. Go get some rest.
Loxura leaves the chat

Special thanks to those who compiled this chat log